A Little Universe

I have a story to tell, about a girl, who- in one Friday afternoon in April- realised how much of a mess she is. But I suspect that she has always been though she has for long, forgotten that. Things were looking up for a while. You know how life is. Sometimes your roller-coaster goes up. Sometimes it goes down. For this girl, having read The Fault In Our Stars (and became unbelievably moved by it), she aspires to go on "a roller-coaster that only goes up". 

The thing is, "the world is not a wish-granting factory" too. 

So she learns that things will not always go your way and you have to get your shit together. No one else can help you as much as you can help yourself. With this notion, it also makes sense, she reckons, to spend more time with herself more than the people around her. The people can hurt her. She cannot hurt herself. Not if she chooses not to. She is most of the time wise enough to choose not to. "Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional". She knows that.

But sometimes, there is an inexplicable beauty about allowing oneself to be sad. Daunting as it is to carry on living with such negative attitude, it helps one to stay grounded. "We are all in the gutter but some of are looking at the stars". That way, she still has her head in the cloud but to her merit, she knows that she is indeed in the gutter. But that never stops her from being better and appreciates the view above her.

Her grandmother used to tell her that she is going to grow up being a beautiful person. Now that she has grown up, she wonders whether or not she has achieved what she aspires to be. True, she has kept to her values. True, she has been learning ever so steadfastly (with constant plights and complaints which follow soon enough, one after another). She knows that she can only aspire but there is no end in the pursuit of beautifying one's soul. Again, like the universe, it continues to expand. But one day, armageddon shall happen and what of it? Life will end too. And she still has some growing up to do.

She wants to live with spiritual contentment. Come the time when Izrael, the Angel of Death strip her soul out of her body, she wants God to be satisfied with her even if she can never be satisfied with herself. She thought that maybe that is why God instilled the feeling of never being able to be satisfied within humans: to let humans try and keep trying. Without being able to be fully-satisfied. Maybe God loves to see humans try.

So she shall be relentless in her pursuit of making the most with life that she is bestowed with, one she has agreed to commit to with the efficiency that youth can harness. She is young and what lies ahead are bountiful. She shall flow, like the water in pure spring. She shall glow, like the light it shone. That afternoon was scorching hot and then an abrupt soft rain hit the Earth. Before long, the sun fought its way to shine its empowering light again. Regardless of anything, she shall cherish blessings and be thankful.