Umm so- not dead yet guys! Hi. How have you been- good, yeah? Great. I am doing pretty well myself, thank you for asking. Alhamdulillah, things are good. I mean, I am back to writing here so...
I guess for a couple of days (weeks, really), I have been stuck a little while on the roller-coaster that goes down. I know. Who signed up for this thing?! We did. Sorry but that is the truth. C'est la vie. So deal with it. That is just how life is going to be. And you only have one life to live.
Silly as it sounds, and I do not believe that I am gonna say this too but YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE. Drink that coffee you want. Write that story you want. Play that sport you have always wanted to try so badly before.
What is stopping you?
You. Why do that to yourself?
It is hard. Everything is. But the power is in your hands. You can do it. You can do this. You can do that. And if in the end, you do not get what you are hoping for, then so what? You tried your damn best and you worked damn hard. You just have to keep doing that and believe in yourself. Things are going to get better. I am not promising anything. But it is the truth. If you move on with life, greater things await. Greater mistakes. Greater success. You just have to be brave :)
Here is an old Instagram picture I retrieved from Logan (my old phone: it came back to life after being in ICU and now my eight years old sister is using it- I KNOW WHEN I WAS EIGHT I WAS COLLECTING ENID BLYTON BOOKS IN HARD COVER AND FRANTICALLY READING THEM SO I CAN BUY ANOTHER ONE NEXT WEEK WHEN WE VISIT THE BOOKSTORE AGAIN SO WHAT ARE THESE GENERATION Y OR Z DOING WITH PHONES AND iPADS but anyway that is not the point):
I meticulously plan my life and tweak it at my whim. I never realised that the one who plans my life is actually There. I knew that He was the Planner but I never really thought it through before.
The story of kickthenik actually begins in 2013. I was, at that time, very much into YouTube just as much as I was in 2010. That was when I discovered Jon Cozart and instantaneously fell in love with him. I mean, instantaneously fell in love with his videos. And later on, I discovered kickthepj and then the Harries twins. YouTube has inspired me. Blogger has been where the place I have written down my musings, aspirations and inspirations. Google is my favourite teacher (sorry human teachers).
Anyway, kickthenik is basically a fan of kickthepj.
She loves ideas. She loves writing random stuff. She loves being creative. She loves learning. She loves making films and videos. She loves the Internet. She loves taking photos without her face in full profile. She loves hot beverage on rainy days. She loves reading. She loves long showers when she can just let herself be immersed in thoughts. She loves consuming breads instead of rice.
Getting really personal here... Normally I would feel uncomfortable. But who cares? We are all a little liberal with Internet. A little la, k.
In a glance, it seems to me like I have not changed so much. I do feel that a lot have but when I look back, I am essentially myself. I have retained all the qualities I possess and improved a little bit on this and that, gained a little, lost a little.
But none of it matters. I do not even know whether I can say that or not. Because it clearly does matter. I do not know why it does but it matters! You know, like when you installed that one driver to do this one thing, then when you have finally finished downloading it, you cannot even use it because it is not compatible with your Microsoft program?
And you end up choosing an alternative way which is way easier but you did not do it straight away because you wanted to try and see how it goes with the driver you were to download? Yeah?
The thing is you expect that driver to work. When it does not, you get frustrated. The time you spent waiting for it to be downloaded? The effort you put through Googling the best driver to serve your purpose? "God, what fresh hell was that", you said to yourself.
But hey, it is okay.
I just had trouble helping Mama with her new printer and old laptop. Lol.
The point is: the pursuit of finding compatibility in everything in your life can be long and it can also be hard. Most of the time, it is like that. Life is a series of decision-making and I cannot stress this enough though I am big on the indecisive side. Very much a child, this heart of mine. But yes, you are going to make mistakes, you are going to be denied rights over what you want and that is just nature. The universe works like that and I do not know why! I believe in God and He is the greatest power that controls everything. So I am just gonna trust His plans and do the best I can in everything.
Seems like a pathetic reason to gain optimism. To have a reason to believe in greater tomorrow. And I understand why Forster portrayed Islam in the light of "superficial optimism" as certain critics claimed.
I do not know about you but I feel like that is what we all need. The little piece of hope. Although you know that it can either break you or make you. Hope is what we all need. And to me, hope is God. Hope is Allah. Allah is my God. And from what I perceived, He instilled hope in His creations too.
And God knows how thankful I am for that.
I am not just talking about humans as His creations. I am talking about time. I am talking about the notion of hope itself. Those are His creations too. Ideas are His creations. Everything is His creations. There is nothing that we really own in this world. Not even our souls.
So when He decreed that Nik Nur Ainin Soffiya is not going to Canterbury, I took the time to be sad. I delved in the sadness in solitude. And God it felt great. It still does and I am glad I allowed myself to be.
But in the end, no matter how much you wish life in this world will end, you come to a point of realisation that hey- YOU ARE NOT READY. And suddenly you become so grateful. Of everything that you have. The good. The bad. All of it. Both good decisions and bad decision lead you to something. Another process of decision-making. And if you ask me, what could be better than that? What could be better than another chance to make another decision?
Count your blessings. Have courage to let your sadness pass. If you can indulge in happiness, then you can indulge in sadness too. In the end, it will all pass. The happy times, the sad times. They will all go. Except for one thing.
The essence that makes you who you are will not. It is up to you to interpret what I mean by this (hi Literatis out there I am talking to you guys) but what I really mean is that if what makes you who you are is God, then basically you are the reflection of Him. You are the reflection of His power. And that will not go away. That will not go away when you die. When you die, you physical body will be buried, never to be seen walking or moving again. Yet, your soul is going to be somewhere is it not? I mean if it disappears too, how can it still exist in the livings?
Shakespeare is not forgotten. My deceased great grandmother is not forgotten. Rasulullah is not forgotten! Our souls will remain alive in things we leave in this world. Buildings that architect designed. Books that writer wrote. Poems that poet composed. Songs that singer sang. We all live a mark in this world. The children that mother gave birth to. And the next generation. And the next. And the next.
When will it end? I do not know.
Will it end? Yes. I believe that. That is what my God told us.
But how does Time work? How did it began and how will it end if it will? I have zero knowledge on this. But forever seems to be a concept of time too. The idea that Time is going to last. To keep moving. Because Time is God's creation. And God is ever eternal. I believe that.
So I have to live. For another hope. For another Time that will pass.
I have to live for the Life.
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