The topic people love to talk about the most is themselves. We have gotten that established by the behavioral psychologists. All of us are somehow trapped within our own house of thoughts. Sometimes we let people in through the door. Sometimes we lock it so no one knows what is in this mystery house. Sometimes we allow people peek through the windows. Sometimes we let the thought smokes swirl out from the chimney. Thoughts are complicated things to discuss about. Everything abstract is difficult to discuss about. It is liberal in so many ways and everything can be right.
Is this the problem? Is this the etymology of everything... the very fact that everything can be right? To what extent are we free to believe what we wish to? There are constraints, some we impose on ourselves, some we let others impose on ourselves and some we totally have no control over. As a believer, naturally, I would go back to thinking about God. It is easier to acknowledge His infinite qualities and attribute everything to be a part of His grand design. The truth is, sometimes I get frustrated and upset about the world: it is no great place to live in. Most of the time, I wish I can skip this phase already and move on with the next.
Easy for me to wish. I am not even assured that I am guaranteed happiness in the world Hereafter. Happiness. That is what comes to my mind first. In the end, I realize that it all boils down to happiness. That is what everyone wants... or so, I thought. Right this moment, I think the key to everything is peace and serene. Happiness is just something extra. If I ask myself now, I would say that it is okay if I am not happy, I just want to feel calm and at ease. Often, I am misled into thinking that to feel peaceful, I need to be happy. To be happy, I need to be grateful. I do not know whether any of these are true. But all that I know is that by far, this has worked well with my life.
But at times of happiness, I sometimes fail to attain peace. I feel contented, true. But there is something that just feels empty, almost. There is a void inside that I try cementing with all the goodness of the world. But I will end up feeling riled up. I get outraged at everything. Sometimes I get dangerously near to being mad at God for this worldly life He gave me. Lord, why cannot you let me be up there with you? I would ask.
I guess at some point, I realized that no matter how much I yearn to not be in this world, I still am here. In this world. Yet that does not mean that God is not with me. He is but I am not in the circumstances I wish I am in. I want a perfect world but this world is far from it. It is indeed frustrating when you cannot see and you cannot touch something. I cannot see God. I cannot ask for a hug from Him. There is no physical connection possible between me and Him. What do prayers mean then? Why do I pray? Most of us have asked this question in our lives. Why do we do it? We were told that God wants us to pray and that prayers are the thing that bridges the distance between us and Him. How true is this?
All true.
We were told that if we do not pray, we will be sent to Hellfire. Now that, the notion of Hellfire is something we cannot see. God wants us to pray? He told us via the Quran. Some people would even ask, how far is Quran true? How should we know that... there seems to be no assurance besides the belief that what God stated in the Quran is true. Believing is a choice, we would say. Religions are human rights.
We say we are not blindly following but sometimes we never are curious enough to question. Afraid? Yes, we do not want to go beyond 'that' limit. The root of this is our belief system. We believe because we want to. Sometimes we get certain feelings. Feelings that we are understood. Feelings that God is listening. Feelings that no matter what, there has to be a reason something is happening to us. Is that the beauty of believing? Is that the beauty of Islam? Quite possibly. It is impossible to ascertain the spiritual. It is a part of human experience.
Why am I here and not there with God yet? There has to be a reason. God is with me, I am told. I believe that. I like to believe that. It feels comforting. Maybe the eternity is not happening yet but there has to be a meaning behind everything. Stupid, we pursue that reason. Stupid, we get caught up and end up forgetting to live by God's rules. But nothing is ever easy! I am struggling with some issues. You are struggling with some issues too. In the end, we are all struggling with something. Maybe every now and then, we question ourselves. We question God. We question everything. Because we can do that. We can question. But human reason can go so far.
There are a lot of the inexplicable of this world we are yet to know about... if we are permitted to know about those, that is. I used to think- how do people who do not believe in God live? Would it not be stressful to know that all you have is yourself? That time, I failed to understand that to them, it is a little pathetic of a reason to believe in God simply to hold onto something so we do not feel too powerless. Faith is comforting. Yes, we are quite powerless but for the things that we can change and do something about, we do have a control over it. And at the end of the day, we who believe and we who do not are all struggling in this world.
Our quest to search for the meaning of our lives are paved by different avenues- plethora of ways- and some of which are unthinkable to us. In the end, it is important to not be selfish. Humans are a race. Despite our gender, colour or religion. We may have different belief systems. We may be different in our physical attributes. BUT essentially, we forget that none of us are really the same. Regardless of anything and everything, we are all different. In psychological research, we learnt that the emergence of competition can be triggered simply by arbitrary classification into different groups. If we are all different, then it could mean that we are all competing against one another. We survive for our codepent nature.
People are not against you, people are only for themselves. I heard that phrase many times already. So we are all selfish! But so what? It should be fine when everybody is. The thing that makes this forgiveable is the compassion we show to one another. Like I said, we humans are a race. Despite the differences, we are, sort of, one. In one way, this provides comfort to me. That despite the racial/ideological/religious differences, you and I, we are all fighting our own battles.
Point no hands to others. Point no hands to ourselves. We are at the mercy of our beliefs. And as for me, a believer of Allah, the universal God, the One, I cannot control my own actions let alone others'. My form of comfort is knowing I have a God who I feel understand me, will have compassion on me, as long as I keep trying. You are at your pace. I am at mine. We do this together: the struggle. We have no rights whatsoever to condemn one another. If we keep doing that, never will we ever resolve our issues. We should focus to ourselves. That is peaceful enough for our individual needs. Then, maybe, just maybe, we can live in peace with each other. But that would be too idealistic of a world.
It does not exist.
Yet
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