A Little Universe

Have you ever had one of those times when you cannot sleep though you are sleepy and tired? Yeah?

I plonked on my bed earlier but... nope. I could not sleep.

When you cannot sleep... well. Might as well do something to fill in the time, get more tired until you fall asleep in nanosecond afterwards. Right? Err...no?

So anyway I did my laundry, humming to the French songs that were playing in the background, with hair messily braided and pink t-shirt tucked into the favourite batik. Sometime in between wringing shawls, I had a moment of epiphany; I am (gonna be) twenty years old this year.

This growing up business, to me, is like a labyrinth. You know. You are getting somewhere. A destination. It is scary because you never know what is up ahead. For all I know, there could be a Sphinx, the riddler like in HP Goblet of Fire) that is a forced-close form of life choice.  An all or nothing sort of life choice.

Mmmmscary.

Take care of yourselves, Dr Dyer would tell us in class when nobody paid attention to him. Okay, I did but consider this. It was seemingly simple. Everybody knows that you need to take care of yourselves. But to really take care of your well-being, mental, physical and emotional- is pretty difficult. 

Sure, there is God. There is your parents. There is your good friends. But...

It is hard- to sometimes try to not feel like you are alone in this world. Because although you know God is somewhere, looking after you- the truth remains- you are sort of alone, fighting your battle. You need to take care of yourselves. This journey is a tough one. Nobody else can fight your battle. This is the war you wage. Everyone else? They are searching too. That is their war.

Bad thoughts are to be whispered in the darkness of night to your Lord.

Good thoughts are to be shared with people around you.

It is sad, now that I have taken the stance to not rant and complain to my mom like I always did. To her, I shall tell all the good things only, I promised myself once. I failed.

Uh.

But this time, it is for real. I am seeking for the Great Perhaps. Real independence. Bittersweet. The bitter, in the journey and the sweet, in the company. If there is anything that I have learnt throughout this one year, it is that Knowledge and Wisdom do not simply coexist. Knowledge and Wisdom are codependent.

Let us grow up together.

Gotta go get some sleep. I am waking up early tomorrow to study and it is gonna be a pleasant Saturday with more and more of Knowledge. Take care of yourselves, love yourselves.